Since we really do not know what is on the other side, I do try to live my life with no (or few) regrets.
I believe there is a difference in wishing you had done something differently than having regrets. I do not know anyone who does not wish they had done something differently at one point (probably many more than just one point). But there are several who believe they have no or few regrets.
To me wishing you had done something differently is not as strong an emotion or feeling that having a regret. I believe a regret is a stronger emotional with much more sadness.
Example - I wish that I had not had to move my parents into an assisting living when their lives changes and they became less independent and we were not able to feel they were safe living alone. I wish things could have been different. I wish that........ But when all is said and done, I do not regret it. We could not bare the pain of something happening to them at their house and one or the other being helpless in not being able to help the other. We could not bare the possibility of a horrible accident occurring that would have resulted in severe injuries or death. Although I wish that I might have been able to have them move in with us, it was not feasible under the circumstances (our house is not easy to move around, etc.). The best decision was what was made therefore no regrets.
Something awful might not have ever happened while they were living at home but who knew. We did not know what the future held. We did not know what was on the other side of "today".
Suggestion - try to live your live with no (or few) regrets it is so much easier.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
We all do it. We say things like: "I wish I had (or had not) ever ........." "If I had known then what I know now I would (or would not) have....." Sometimes we simply say " I wish........"
We do need to be careful not only what we wish for but HOW we wish for it. There is a movie, I think it is called THE WISHING WELL, that is on Lifetime (yes, I am a Lifetime movie addict) that is based on wishes and how wishes are made. A wish will come true IF, and ONLY IF, it is the RIGHT wish. This is an interesting concept. And you HAVE to BELIEVE in the magic of THE WISHING WELL. If only it were that easy but again you need to be careful what you wish for and how.
You may wish that someone leaves you alone because they are so annoying. So you might say something like "I wish NAME HERE would leave me alone." and you might even add "forever" at the end. But the result could possibly happen to a point of no return. That annoying person MAY just simply leave you alone or that person MAY disappear FOREVER. Is that really what you wanted? Probably not - you are not a mean person. You simply wanted a break from that person for awhile. If you had chosen your words more carefully and said something like "I wish that NAME HERE would leave me alone for a little while."
I, like everyone, have wishes. But I try to be careful when and how I wish. I try to word my wishes carefully and I try not to wish often. On this note, my wishes are not always for me.
Anyway, I do try to be careful what I wish for.......
We do need to be careful not only what we wish for but HOW we wish for it. There is a movie, I think it is called THE WISHING WELL, that is on Lifetime (yes, I am a Lifetime movie addict) that is based on wishes and how wishes are made. A wish will come true IF, and ONLY IF, it is the RIGHT wish. This is an interesting concept. And you HAVE to BELIEVE in the magic of THE WISHING WELL. If only it were that easy but again you need to be careful what you wish for and how.
You may wish that someone leaves you alone because they are so annoying. So you might say something like "I wish NAME HERE would leave me alone." and you might even add "forever" at the end. But the result could possibly happen to a point of no return. That annoying person MAY just simply leave you alone or that person MAY disappear FOREVER. Is that really what you wanted? Probably not - you are not a mean person. You simply wanted a break from that person for awhile. If you had chosen your words more carefully and said something like "I wish that NAME HERE would leave me alone for a little while."
I, like everyone, have wishes. But I try to be careful when and how I wish. I try to word my wishes carefully and I try not to wish often. On this note, my wishes are not always for me.
Anyway, I do try to be careful what I wish for.......
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Who I AM?
I do not know WHO I AM? I was someone's daughter (my parents passed away in 2005 and 2006 - now I am an adult orphan) and sister (still in contact with one of my two brothers). In 1972, I became an aunt for the first time but unfortunately we have almost always lived so far away.
I do not consider myself ever having been single. I met my husband right after I graduated from high school then we were married less than two years later. I never lived alone. I went from living with my parents to living with my husband (after we got married).
I worked from the time I was 16 until I retired at the age of 51. So for many years, I was someone's employee. I served a purpose. I worked very hard and had a lot of people depending on me and my experience.
I got married in 1975 so I became a wife. I was married and very happy! At that time I was happy being a wife. I wish I could have been a housewife but I had to work. It was sometimes difficult being an employee and a wife but we made it work. I guess I knew WHO I WAS?
In 1985, I became a mother. This became one of the happiest days of my life. My son was so important to me. He depended on me (and his daddy, of course). I loved (and love) being a mom. Unfortunately, I had to work so I had to try to juggle being a working wife and mother. Not always an easy task, but one I believed I was up for and believe I did quite well.
Around the year 2000, I became more involved in my parents' well being. They both developed health issues. Dad had already had a stroke years before. In December of 2000, Mom fractured her leg and was in a wheelchair for months. Since she had been caring for my dad, they both needed help - me.
In 2001, my life took on a new meaning. I really began to be a caregiver for my parents. Mom had a stroke and although made a recovery they still needed me.
As the years went by, my parents health went down hill. It was very difficult to watch my parents decline. It was very difficult having to be their caregiver. There were many difficult decisions to make. So I found myself being: a loving and caring daughter and caregiver for my parents; a wife; a mother; and an employee. My life was so consumed with others...with helping others. I have no regrets! But WHO WAS I? There was not time to find out. I already had few friends and saw them even less.
My son got older and became less dependent on me - although he still needed me (and still does). After a tough couple of years, my parents passed away. My dad passed away somewhat unexpectedly (in the hospital) in November of 2005. Mom was despondent so she passed away in April of 2006. I knew Mom was not going to make it so I spent almost all of my time with her even up until she passed away (she basically closed her eyes and slipped away to be with my dad - her husband of more than 63 years).
Suddenly I was an adult orphan. I no longer had my parents. I no longer had them needing me. My life had a void. I had a severe emptiness. Even more so, I did not know WHO I WAS?
In 2006, I retired from my State job. I had put in my 30 years there. If things had been better at work, I might have stayed longer but after what I had been through and what was going on at work, it was time to retire. Now what WAS I GOING TO DO? WHO WAS I?
In 2008, life through me some curves. It was definitely a roller coaster year. In the beginning of 2008, my husband became very ill. He ended up in the hospital twice. The second time he was in the hospital for almost a month and nearly died (I was told to call Hospice). Wow! Here I was facing my husband being so sick and then told he was not going to make it. I was looking at being a widow. So the question was not only WHO WAS I but WHO WOULD I BE?
Fortunately a miracle happened and my husband pulled through. Unfortunately he had to retire and is now on permanent disability. Life is not the same.
Also in 2008, I became a grandmother to a wonderful baby boy. This was so exciting. I felt like I had a purpose again. A happy purpose. I spent many, many days being with my grandson. Despite other factors, I was happy being a grandmother.
In 2008, I became a grandmother again; another beautiful baby boy. I continue to be able to spend many days (weekdays mostly) with my grandsons. I love it.
My husband has okay days and then not good days. He is able to do for himself but not able to do many other things. He cannot enjoy life or do the many things he once could. So life is different for both of us.
I have spent most of my life being something to somebody or somebodies that I really do not know WHO I AM? It is not all bad, and I do not mean to complain. I just do not know WHO I AM? I am always doing something or being something for somebody. If I did not need to be needed I really would not what I would do; I would not know WHO I AM?
I do not have regrets and I would not change what is (unless it would be that people were happier and healthier). I just wish I knew WHO I AM?
I am so afraid for the future but also of the present. I am so dependent on others while also being independent. Or am I independent? I have to be strong, but am I as strong as I seem?
TO BE CONTINUED.......
I do not consider myself ever having been single. I met my husband right after I graduated from high school then we were married less than two years later. I never lived alone. I went from living with my parents to living with my husband (after we got married).
I worked from the time I was 16 until I retired at the age of 51. So for many years, I was someone's employee. I served a purpose. I worked very hard and had a lot of people depending on me and my experience.
I got married in 1975 so I became a wife. I was married and very happy! At that time I was happy being a wife. I wish I could have been a housewife but I had to work. It was sometimes difficult being an employee and a wife but we made it work. I guess I knew WHO I WAS?
In 1985, I became a mother. This became one of the happiest days of my life. My son was so important to me. He depended on me (and his daddy, of course). I loved (and love) being a mom. Unfortunately, I had to work so I had to try to juggle being a working wife and mother. Not always an easy task, but one I believed I was up for and believe I did quite well.
Around the year 2000, I became more involved in my parents' well being. They both developed health issues. Dad had already had a stroke years before. In December of 2000, Mom fractured her leg and was in a wheelchair for months. Since she had been caring for my dad, they both needed help - me.
In 2001, my life took on a new meaning. I really began to be a caregiver for my parents. Mom had a stroke and although made a recovery they still needed me.
As the years went by, my parents health went down hill. It was very difficult to watch my parents decline. It was very difficult having to be their caregiver. There were many difficult decisions to make. So I found myself being: a loving and caring daughter and caregiver for my parents; a wife; a mother; and an employee. My life was so consumed with others...with helping others. I have no regrets! But WHO WAS I? There was not time to find out. I already had few friends and saw them even less.
My son got older and became less dependent on me - although he still needed me (and still does). After a tough couple of years, my parents passed away. My dad passed away somewhat unexpectedly (in the hospital) in November of 2005. Mom was despondent so she passed away in April of 2006. I knew Mom was not going to make it so I spent almost all of my time with her even up until she passed away (she basically closed her eyes and slipped away to be with my dad - her husband of more than 63 years).
Suddenly I was an adult orphan. I no longer had my parents. I no longer had them needing me. My life had a void. I had a severe emptiness. Even more so, I did not know WHO I WAS?
In 2006, I retired from my State job. I had put in my 30 years there. If things had been better at work, I might have stayed longer but after what I had been through and what was going on at work, it was time to retire. Now what WAS I GOING TO DO? WHO WAS I?
In 2008, life through me some curves. It was definitely a roller coaster year. In the beginning of 2008, my husband became very ill. He ended up in the hospital twice. The second time he was in the hospital for almost a month and nearly died (I was told to call Hospice). Wow! Here I was facing my husband being so sick and then told he was not going to make it. I was looking at being a widow. So the question was not only WHO WAS I but WHO WOULD I BE?
Fortunately a miracle happened and my husband pulled through. Unfortunately he had to retire and is now on permanent disability. Life is not the same.
Also in 2008, I became a grandmother to a wonderful baby boy. This was so exciting. I felt like I had a purpose again. A happy purpose. I spent many, many days being with my grandson. Despite other factors, I was happy being a grandmother.
In 2008, I became a grandmother again; another beautiful baby boy. I continue to be able to spend many days (weekdays mostly) with my grandsons. I love it.
My husband has okay days and then not good days. He is able to do for himself but not able to do many other things. He cannot enjoy life or do the many things he once could. So life is different for both of us.
I have spent most of my life being something to somebody or somebodies that I really do not know WHO I AM? It is not all bad, and I do not mean to complain. I just do not know WHO I AM? I am always doing something or being something for somebody. If I did not need to be needed I really would not what I would do; I would not know WHO I AM?
I do not have regrets and I would not change what is (unless it would be that people were happier and healthier). I just wish I knew WHO I AM?
I am so afraid for the future but also of the present. I am so dependent on others while also being independent. Or am I independent? I have to be strong, but am I as strong as I seem?
TO BE CONTINUED.......
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