Young at Heart

I am in my fifties yet I feel younger at heart. I am not ready to be on the other side - I am not ready to be old.

I am not afraid of getting older (in age) but I am afraid of getting old (in mind and spirit). I am afraid of not being able to live. I know, and accept, that there will be things that I may not be able to do as quickly or frequently; and I know, and accept, that there probably will be things that I will not be able to do at all but what I am most afraid of is losing my independence and losing control of my daily life.

I have a lot to be grateful for; and I am. I was fortunate enough to be able to retire when I was 51. If circumstances leading up to that time and circumstances at work had been different I may have decided to continuing working for awhile longer but as it turns out it was a good thing I retired when I did.

On the bad side: My husband became very ill and nearly died. He had to retire and is on permanent disability.

On the good side: I have two beautiful grandsons (Kingston is 17 months and Trace is nearly 7 months) with whom I am able to spend time with nearly every day.

So what was on the other side of retirement has had its good side and bad side.

What I hate about the bad side is that I am not able to enjoy this time in our lives as much with my husband as he is not able to do nearly what he was. I hate it for him, for me and for us.